I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
