hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
