I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Boobs speak an international language.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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