She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
