The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
