I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
