sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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