For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
