Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
So many bounce houses so little time
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize