Where did you get a picture of my penis
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
