I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Sext me about skeletons
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
