i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
