Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
