My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
