just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
