You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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