I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
