This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
