He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
