Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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