I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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