Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
