found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
