I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
