I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
