giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
