Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
