is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
