The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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