There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize