It's like God shit irony all over that family
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
