The brown eye won't let me do that either.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
