In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
