why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
