I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
