My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I think your dad took our porno
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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