Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
