I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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