Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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