please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
