i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize