where am i from again
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
