i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
