not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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