its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize