Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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