Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
