Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
