OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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