Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
