when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize