dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize