No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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