Umm I'm too high to move.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
