I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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