Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
