You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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