Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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