Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Dick very happy bro
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
