i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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