it wasn't lemon gatorade
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
