tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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