and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
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