Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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