I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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