I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize